Sodds & Fiends

My CWPF (Close Warm Personal Friend) relayed this little bit of conversation straight from the donkey’s braying mouth concerning a JTV Gossip blog that she is protesting the use of her image (I doubt that it’s this one!).

6:17 jordan_tv: you’re suing them?
6:17 stevej2007: well thats good, hope it gets removed
6:17 jordan_tv: did you e-mail them? because it says on JTV that when you broadcast, other people are allowed to post videos/pictures of your broadcast
6:17 jordan_tv: which sucks
6:17 jordan_tv: I think it should be copyrighted
6:18 jordan_tv: I agree… it isn’t ethical… it’s quite rude

I’ll let you know if I am summoned to court for a covered booby photo.

Who on JTV thought that reducing the top bar to the size of a sugar cube on the screen would be a good idea? You can only make out the familiar faces and icons with any certainty and for all you know they could be spoof rooms! The good thing for Alyssums is that even if her boobs were shrunk to the size of pinheads they’d still be bigger than 90% of the boobs on Earth. I think they will change it back and God I can only hope so because I keep mistaking those Juggalo eyebrows for the Golden Arches of McDonald’s and keep grabbing for the fries which are, of course, mine all mine!

I was messaged this rather interesting observation this morning and maybe somebody can answer this “what-is-it?” better than I:

“everytime I see a photo of ashley-marie I keep thinking of those easter eggs that are sort of malt ball-ish. They had a coating and we would lick the coating when we were kids and put that chalking coating on our lips, turning them all whitish.”

I’m guessing that it’s fermented steam from when she yelled at Bob last weekend. How about you denizens of the de-natured life realm?

Yule Tide Me Over

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With all the hubbub over nudity, crass-talk and general over-indulgence in chatrooms, perhaps JTV has a pine sol fresh solution to clean up all the bad birdy’s messes: The Office Tree! I mean this tree can really carry on a strong, polite and deeply-thought out conversation without resorting to the low-blow tactics that have become common fodder in these ultra-sensitive, mad-moderated rooms of exquisite voyeurism. Its arrival has caused the same sort of zeal that the arrival of meeeeeeeeee TV did. See below. Be sure to watch, compare and contrast!

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I wonder if it’s possible to get this tree in the same house with the fake fireplace, Santa and the Monkey and see what happened back in our evolutionary chain that allowed a fat man named Kringle to become our new Saviour. My guess is that Gary Overton (aka Santa) would soon be seen in an entirely different light by both PETA and the atheist children of the world.

Sodds & Fiends

Maybe there’s some unwritten joke with the lake rat but I take serious his offer to jump into the lake at 3:30 CST. 50 viewers or not. I think he has other plans though. Today I offered an option for him: jump into a vat! Not just a vat but a vat filled with tramps! Who could beat that huh? He insists that he will jump in though because “why wouldnt i jump in, its in my backyard” quote unquote. I counteracted with the penetrating question, “Because your backyard is a Hollywood prop, maybe?” I think this is the real story behind him. You may FALL for it but I’m going to take the STAND the he ain’t go JUMP, homie.

While you were off living your productive life I was in the car with The High Strung driving to a gig. Not physically, dummies! Metaphysically! Us cyber people never actually do anything we just sit and look into the box like a kaleidoscope and just pretend that we are doing things. It’s groovier that way man with all the cool colors. I guess they are from Detroit and play some kind of music. Here listen:

Watching the Santa Channel gives me a sort of sentimental feeling. Especially when he puts out a stamped message saying: “Santa is busy at work and cannot respond in chat. To see what Santa is working on go to thesantachannel.com/santaatwork If you would like for Santa to say hello to your child make your request and he will respond by voice ASAP” Doesn’t that just warm your heart? As if you had on 50 second hand t-shirts! I know it does me.

Art du Jour

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With all the boob-talk, gossip and general “give me attention” channels that show up at JTV the more serious channels often take a back seat. One exception is art. Artists seem to be springing up on the scene weekly now. Although they go through a boom and bust cycle of viewers they tend to retain a second tier level of committment from them nonetheless.

Natasha Wescoat, host of Postmodern Artist TV is one such newcomer that sometimes pops into the top bar strata. She paints in a Lemony Snickets sort of cartoonish way (too cartoonish for my tastes! but good nonetheless) with a warm gothic (I mean the hair and dark makeup kind of way and not the time period/style in history) touch a la The Cure. This isn’t an insult, just a feel I get when I see her paintings. I think her best works are the tree and landscape paintings. Although they, too, have an anime-like feel to them, it’s more dream-like than cartoonish and thus passable to me. The characters are a little less appealing but you might not think so. Check her out!

Anti Normal Comics is the most popular of the arts show. It stars a hairy arm attached to a left hand wielding a Sharpie. His art is comic drawing. Even though I don’t consider it a high art it is definitely a deep talent and this guy can pump out quick, quirky and skilled drawings in a matter of minutes. Which I suppose is the knack of most good artists. The refining part is what separates the good from the great and elite ones. As does subject matter, exposure and opportunity (meaning who you know!). I’m no fan of comics but this guy rivals any of the underground comics I’ve seen.

Pop Arf Tv is the biggest enigma to me. Here’s a dude who can paint rather startling and almost photographic images but they are primarily of dogs! I’m sure it’s because people love dogs and want to buy dog art but man, WHY DOGS?!?!?! They are fun and brilliant paintings but I always think that if you have the talent why not just go insane and become another Picasso. There’s women, money and free vacations to Europe for you if you become an eccentric. So let’s get to it mister and blow your life dream for a walk on the dark side!

Sodds & Fiends

It’s hard not to sound gossipy when you start relating personal stories but when the personal stories are carried live over the air it becomes news. So… Juggalo Babe and her ex (a supposed drug dealer; which is why the police can’t be involved) –who apparently pays the phone and got an overcharge bill sent to his address accompanied by a bunch of “other guy’s numbers”– had a falling out via cellphone which she broadcast over JTV. Sobbing and hyperventilating at times, she begged for him not to shut her phone off until after her surgery and he promised to beat her ass at the next Insane Clown Posse concert. Alex, her sometimes romantic interest, who she can’t sleep with because she has to have surgery, was chastised by her for not changing his voice mail to match her story. I’d laugh if it wasn’t so pathetic. While there’s no archive of this yet there will be. Check back later.

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I finally caught the The House of Buzz in buzzing mode! Vrooooom. Ziiiiiig. Zaaaaaaooooom. Then there he was all goatee and peppery salted hair showing us the yard and all the acoutrements of tiki wood carving. Yep, it’s all there! So grab a hammer and chisel and put your carved tub onto the grass skirt work table and carve your little heart out. You’re almost home Pinnochio, just another 6,000 strokes!

Your Girl Erica, My Girl Erica, Their Girl Erica and apparently Officer Rob’s Girl Erica as well. I’m not sure of his story but I’m assuming that he has an internet presence as well. Don’t we all. When I entered the room she was playing some music and talking over it. I hate that and displayed that sentiment via caveman words, “4:22 jtvnews: Ugggh…music.”. Quite the sophisticate am I! So she cooperated with me, the rubber robot, and turned it down and bowed to my whimsy. She also went on tell me about herself but I wasn’t interested in listening. So here are my fabricated facts about her:

– She homemakes all of her Avon products with Kool-Aid, glue and glitter.
– Her pet skunk is named Vanna White
– She invented the Scripto candle lighter and burns herself every hour to remember all the bad times before she had her royalty millions.

There was more but I had to get back to my orgy. I’ll revisit her for a follow-up sometime in the near future.

Gossip Blogs and News

It seems that there are a handful of JTV related gossip and news blogs including this one. Unlike the others that I have come across Justin TV Gossip is more a pastiche of incidents, reviews and a big fat lack of pictures. Enjoyable nonetheless, although a little too friendly and kind. Let’s put a voodoo doll on the door and hope that she finds the will towards sight and sound.

The REAL Justin TV Gossip Blog has had its moments but missed out on a big coup when Bob, who runs the site, didn’t feature his own Yuletide battle with his girlfriend over holiday decorating. It was a classic battle of stubborn wills that resulted in swearing, near-crying and lots of revelations of past hurts and future predictions. But Bob usually splatters some boobs across the headlines and who doesn’t need a daily barrage of breast visages? If he keeps up with regular posting it will be a great boon to us all. OK that’s a lie but it made it seem important for all 2 nanoseconds that it took me to press the keys fib-ward.

Justin TV News & Gossip Blog is fairly straight-laced gossip and news which centers around the typical top bar shenanigans, feud rumors and general ball-smooching shout-outs. I’d prefer a little more neutrality over there but that’s my bone. After all, everyone can’t be an insouciant parrot regurgitating its sloppy kernels of daily wisdom now can they?

Where Have You Gone Jm J Bullock’s and Drew Carey’s Gay, Bi-sexual and Transgendered Triplet with the Man Voice?

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This dude/woman named “Christi Lynn” was on the site for a few weeks back in October but seems to have gone missing. If you ever stopped in and said hi at any point you might understand why. On the occasion of our first meeting he/she asked me, “Where are you from?” to which I replied not so slyly, “Vagina.” “Oh, Virgina. How’s Virginia?” “No, I said ‘vagina'” To which he/she/it retorted, “What city in Virgina?” “VAGINA! NOT VIRGINIA!” You can see where this is going can’t you? You can also hear in the vocal intonations that it/he/she was possessed by Satan and sent down to perform community service on as many married dudes as is possible. But seriously, can’t we dredge this one back up from drag queen’s anon and get a few more stellar highlights?!?!?!

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Sodds & Fiends

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This is going to be a musical entry. To start off, South Park Jesus of Debt Sucks rambled off a 2 minute list of parodied song titles in debt’s name. It appears that he had an accomplice but since no faces were seen we’ll just assume that it was Baldy’s daughter. Yes, I like SPJ but still doubt his credibility as a financial adviser, especially since he’s never read The Creature From Jekyll Island.

I tuned into Mr. Jon Valenti today half expecting a character out of Sin City smashing things. This was based solely on the icon which looks a bit cartoonish and punk rockish. Well well…a former minor league baseball player crooning alterna-pop songs in a countryesque, heartbeating, heartthrob, make the girls shiver kind of way. I can’t say that it touched me enough to buy a CD but it did make me cry a little while looking at my daily dose of shiny naked gay men. Just joshing! He can sing. The problem is that I can’t listen!

Now, the Naked Cowboy doesn’t really need an introduction does he? I suppose that some of you don’t know who he is. Seeing him once usually does the trick. He sings on the street corners of NYC in underwear, cowboy hat and boots while strumming along on his acoustic. Exciting, eh? Then again his broadcasts deal with the behind the scenes happenings of the NC man in his free time. I’d find it more interesting if it was Johnny Depp or a big name musician or actor, but I’m sure that he thinks that he’s Elvis incarnate nonetheless. Guessing by some of his channel highlights (not to mention that being on MTV isn’t enough for him and he needs to broadcast on JTV; no, this isn’t a value judgment but rather an observation.) he needs the attention apparently. Anyhow, he appeared to be driving around this evening in the dark in a limo singing and listening to bad 80s metal. Not exactly highlight or news worthy eh? Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, I say.

I guess I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the Holiday Yule Log when mentioning musical endeavors on the site. That is, if you can stand 24/7 Christmas music. I don’t particularly care for most of it but if you can kindly fit some Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack in there, the tendrils of my off-cocked heart will grow long and spit out a few platitudes of love. Let’s just hope that after the holidays are over this site doesn’t resort to being the Yule Brenner’s Log of Oppression room and barrage us with lost stag films of the great bald one’s glowing life. Here, have your 3 minutes of cheer before you start swinging an angry ax.

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jeffke4ole

Yeah, yeah Alyssum has big old gazongas et al. She probably even smells like cherry pie in her nether regions, but how about wearing your mental genitalia upon your sleeve for once, buxom ones? That’s what our good man Jeff does on a daily basis. From his handicap to the woman who stole his heart, virginity and bankbook to the ins-and-outs of cyber loving, sex and the climactic ends of said affairs. Nobody knows how to say his tag name but they sure as twarping g.d. hell know how to respect a man who says what he means. Even if it is to his detriment. Listen in sometime. Talk a little even. Hell, sooner than not he’ll have honed in on your private address and offer up his services as your new best friend. He’ll even let you know where your 5 closest CVS stores are located, pinpointed with his bat-like radar capabilities. Can anybody deny him. CAN YOU?

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Sodds & Fiends

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The bed is aligned with the bottle for this Juggalette! Still recovering from surgery (There’s a story behind it but it’s a bit personal and tragic so I shant go there.) she dead-pans in her form of exclamation, “Does that taste good Alex Jones Show?” and goes right on smoking. Only to come alive to ask for booze and money via Western Union. You may think this a condemnation of the girl but I actually think it’s pretty goddamn swell.

Parris Harris of P.H.ashion TV, I have my eye on you! No I don’t but I needed some odds and ends and randomly decided that it’s your turn. It seems that his quest to find America’s next super model has taken him to a local dollar store today. Though it’s always nice to watch ceiling lights and the top shelf of Chinese made goods going by at 6 MPH you could save yourself a lot of trouble and head eastward toward this little angel’s home and take her out of the trailer and put her right on the cover of Vogue.

It seems that Plastic Princess wasn’t the only JTVer in the mood for phone hijinx lately. Lloyd Christmas, the former member of Herman’s Hermits who has been blessed with eternal youth, had a little holly jolly frivolity to pass along as well. Although I’m not sure that he actually called his neighbor, whoever the woman was is the true star of this clip. She almost appears to have been in the middle of a sexual interlude because she sure sounded out of sorts and very disengaged. Go ahead and laugh L. C. We’re all laughing with you.

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