Archive for February 12th, 2008

12
Feb
08

Sodds & Fiends

You might know LOL and ROFL but what about OLL or RUR’U’? They are logoriths or something like that. This girl is a Rubik’s Cube aficionado and there’s probably a reward for that but it’s not coming from me. Pffft. She can also play guitar and has a girlfriend despite having boyfriends in the past. But her passions seem to run deep in the cube, talking and playing songs that I don’t want to hear. SHE CARRIES AROUND A BAG OF RUBIK’S CUBES! Yeah, OCD anybody? Anyhow, she’s likely a minor so don’t go in there and be your normal primordial self spreading your seedly virus.

Speaking of squares…err Rubik’s Cubes…meet the 80s my babies. I’m taking in all of the Pat Benatar experience presently (Love is a Battlefield) as the music keeps playing even though the soul has vanished, the memory faded and the mullet has receded to a skullet. Now it’s Rod Stewart and I’m not about to stick around and find out if the whole pumped his stomach full of semen urban legend was merely that or reality.

Peaness as opposed to penis is distinguishable from other members largely due to the fact that he writes the world’s worst comic strip! Take a look if you don’t believe me. His channel isn’t much better but yours probably isn’t either so don’t go bitching at me about it shysters!

12
Feb
08

Smile for ME Babe and the Orgasmic Rub

Let’s say that you’re in Carly’s room and she’s just waking up from a long night of post-JTV schmoozing, what do you suppose the first thing you’d hear after the obligatory “GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE!”? My guess is something akin to “Awww…and I was just about 2 cum.” or “I’d hit that.” which would eventually segue into “Babe, I’d love to see you smile. Smile for me darling.” On the bare surface of things this isn’t the worst thing you could say to another human being, but let’s dissect the tacky statements anyhow.

“I was about to finish.” says the meaty manipulator and in 57% of the instances that this phrase is uttered I can guess that it is said legitimately. Of course you always have to factor in the one-third goof-ball ratio and the give or take +5/-5 which accompanies every poll, survey or human endeavor in guesswork. So thus we have about a 60 percentile ratio of penile pumpers in a room where a girl merely speaks across the airways. The fact that many disillusioned and delusional are on sites such as this is a given these days. The lonely hearts club has come into your living room with a vengeance American sad saps. Why would somebody jerk off in a chatroom?

1. Boobs are being displayed
2. The possibility of boobs being shown
3. Boobs exist
4. Boobs might exist on other planets
5. E=BoobsC2

I guess the possibilities are endless and all contain the word boobs. In a world of cheese I guess it’s quite expectable that the tap root should be the fleshen nipple bulb. One mystery solved.

“Smile for me Babe.” is one of the most nauseating phrases that I think I have ever heard. More repugnant is the fact that many women, like trained beasts, actually pony up lipwise and teethward and do just that: SMILE. First off, BABE’s a pig or something some needy homeowner calls the workmen adding an addition to his home so that he feels A-OK offering them lemonade and butter cookies later on in the afternoon. In any instance it’s gay, domineering, pathetic and just plain cheesy. Yes, a world of cheese and wouldn’t you know that this is the perv’s roundabout way of saying whip out those tits and smile while you’re doing it so that I don’t feel like the smiling cheshire cat who has just licked up the cream in my jeans.

So we can clearly see that flattery is the obvious gateway to perversion. A man needs boobs. Ones who feel guilty about this necessity use stealth methods and say flattering things to loosen up both himself and the female inclined to need to hear such fluff.

Personally I think it’s a bit needy to say it and points to a few mental and socio-biophysical ineptitudes. Namely, but not specifically relegated to these fine points of contention:

1. You’re gay and trying to convince yourself that you need boobs
2. You hate women’s wily ways but you love BOOBS
3. Momma cut your boob access off at a rather tender age so that she could pursue the fine art of masturbation while you screamed in your makeshift crib
4. Boobs R US
5. The eyes are the pathway to the soul, the mouth is the quick route to second input and BOOBS are simply and satisfactorily NIRVANA on wheels.

Thus concludes another class into the psyches of the man-handed ground ape.

12
Feb
08

Sodds & Fiends

Ahhhhhhh! I’m back. I have an internet connection and enough backed up seed to impregnate every woman in a 50 mile radius. This one is out of my zone coverage but her hair prolly isn’t! Seeing as she is an New Zealander we know that she isn’t good people but that never stopped us from liking someone now did it? She laughs too much at nothing, has a friskier hairdo than Eraserhead and provides little to no entertainment value. Yes, I forgive all of that just because of her quite excellent icon. It’s ridiculous enough to be endearing. Plus she makes a quite excellent smirk and that counts for something.

Evilette
needs 120 donations of $10 to buy a Sybian and then ride that mo-fucker to France and back. To which I’d gladly donate a cowboy hat to the cause. Normally I’d think, hey what a whore but for some reason it seems like it would be kind of cute. Maybe it’s because of this:

Watch live video from evil_ette on Justin.tv

Boobs = luv.

Have you ever seen those Showtime late night R rated skin flicks where wild women gangbang each other in jail? This is what this channel reminds me of. I’m expecting the warden to come by in leather chaps and whip these gangsta bitches into a sexual frenzy and then into proper societal shape. As things stand right now though the only person being punished is me and my multi-cellular lizard brain.




February 2008
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